Although very driven by his painting, his work is not the reason for his isolation. Rather a gradual estrangement from his wife and eldest son, Albert, has led to his solo existence. The only thread holding the family together is their youngest child, Pierre, who is young enough to not truly comprehend the families’ problems. Pierre is completely self-focused, as is natural for a young child. He spends his days between the two separate lives of his parents.

Veraguth also appears similarly self-focused devoting all his time and energy to his work. Even when Pierre choses to visit, Veraguth is mostly lost in thoughts of his work with no true focus on the boy. These interactions hint at the root cause of the issues with his marriage. His work must be enough for the adulation of his wife, where, in his work, she finds no fertile land for a real relationship with him. His obsession with his work grows to be her disappointment. The more he finds her disaffected towards him the more he puts in to becoming a ‘greater’ artist. Thus, creating a growing spiral away from each other. This has gone on for so long neither of them can truly externalise their issues with the other, or remember how or when they started. Albert, the first son, growing up around this has clearly chosen his mother, now even resenting his fathers’ appearances at the dinner table. All he seems to have left is Pierre, on whom Adele and he dote and compete for in equal measure.

It is only with the visit of an old close friend, Otto Burkhardt, that the truth of his current existence becomes clear to him. Otto, knowing who Veraguth once was clearly sees him for who he now is – small, alone, bitter towards those he loves most. Hiding from life in the ‘greatness’ of his work. Otto confronts Veraguth with the truth of his existence – that his holding on to his marriage and fighting Adele for the affections of Pierre stagnating him and them, their life a void where nothing can grow. He suggests Veraguth take leave of his family and follow him east to India. By giving up everything he would allow them the chance to change. To grow.

Although resistant to the idea and the pain of giving up Pierre. He eventually sees the truth in his friend words and determines to leave. To give up on watching Pierre’s childhood in the hope that his absence will allow his family space to be happy. Eventually he hopes for good relationships with them on his return. Veraguth is surprised how little shock and resistance he receives from Adele. As is she. His relationship with Albert seems to improve the closer the date to his departure comes. All is a peace except for letting go of Pierre, which he knows he must do.

As he finally comes to peace with letting go, he is forced to. Pierre falls sick, a seemingly minor stomach ailment, proves to be Meningitis. The family is forced to co-exist and support one another in service of the child, witnessing each other’s pain, fragility and humanity. Tragically their efforts only lead to loss and the grief.

With Pierre’s death the book ends with the burning pain of the loss of his child. A wound so raw it cannot be treated. Veraguth is left only with memories, with visions of little Pierre coming to visit his studio, or where he used to sit and play. Veraguth is haunted with the realisation that the thing he held most dearly in his life, Pierre, he in truth paid little attention to. Not truly. He rarely looked at the boy properly, rarely listened. He is left only with the raw pain and the truth of the life experiences he wasted. He is left with the determination to never do so again. To truly taste, smell and see every day.